Guide to managing your wedding stress

March 19, 2021 Billy & Emma Schwartz

Weddings are mostly fun and enjoyable although many brides and couples getting married will stress over the details of the big day and we completely get it.

From budget issues to logistics, putting on a wedding is a HUGE undertaking and today we turn to some industry leaders to help answer the question, how should you best deal with your wedding stress?

How Can you Tell If You’re Stressed from Planning the Wedding?

There are many signs that you’re stressed at planning the wedding, from doing everything yourself to flat out not enjoying the process of planning the wedding anymore.

Carole and I have come up with a few key things to take note of to help identify if you’re stressed about wedding planning.

Doing It All Yourself

If you’ve been working hard on planning the big day and no one else is helping you, then most likely you might be stressed.

Planning the wedding should be a multiple-person affair, your soon-to-be, perhaps the parents, and maybe the maid of honor or a close friend should help plan things too. But no matter, if you are doing 100% of the planning, you need to stop and reevaluate.

You're Wasting a Lot of Time

Procrastination is another key element that a couple stumbles across in the wedding process and it’s usually because you no longer have any enjoyment from it.

In fact, most couples tend to get stuck in procrastinating because of a lack of direction or they are feeling burnt out, the best way to combat this is to take a step back at the planning process and rethink what the overall goal is and what needs to be done. Take things in small chunks and slow down a bit.

You and the Fiancé Keep Fighting

If you find that you and the spouse-to-be are fighting all the time about wedding things, then you are definitely stressed out about the wedding.

We don’t mean an occasional fight about which color to use on linens or about which types of flowers to purchase, we mean fighting about every small detail.

Chances are that you’re both stressed and fighting is an outlet to convey stress rather than dealing with the issue at hand.

See this chart in the original post

How to best deal with money stress from wedding planning?

If you’re stressed about money it’s more than likely one of two things, you don’t have enough or you are trying to overspend the category budget.

In either case, you need a reality check by going back to the very first step that you should have done, the wedding budget. You need to do one of the following:

Go back to the wedding budget tool and check how much you should be spending on each vendor.
See if the vendor, product, or services are within the budget you set, if they are too much, you need to look elsewhere.
You and your soon-to-be need to perhaps re-think the budget and make it larger if possible. That may include getting a part-time job, saving more, asking the parents, or getting a loan.

We recommend that you catch up on reading “How to Deal with the Financial Impact of Delaying Your “I do” to learn more from other professionals in the wedding industry.

How to best deal with logistics stress from wedding planning?

Logistics are getting everything lined up for the same time-frame and making sure that everything happens in the right place at the right time. If you’re stressed about just trying to line things up, chances are you need help.

This is where a wedding planner comes into play.

They take the majority of the stress out of the wedding planning process so you can take more time for other things like finding that perfect wedding dress for example.

If you aren’t using a planner and plan to do it yourself (DIY) then you’re going to have a larger amount of stress and the best way to help minimize that is to delegate tasks to friends and family to help with the wedding.

While this is harder than hiring a professional, it will help minimize some of the stress.

Make Sure You Take Some YOU Time

One thing to do is set small goals throughout the process and then reward yourself for completing each step.

For example, if you book your catering company, cake baker, and bar staff then reward yourself for getting your nails done at the salon.

Small rewards are a great way to help break up the process of the wedding process and it also allows you to break up the task list into much smaller chunks which are usually more manageable.

We suggest that you take on 2-3 tasks on the list, complete them and take a few days off altogether and give yourself that little reward.

It will help make things a lot more digestible and easier on your mind too.

Take it in Strides If You Can

And that brings me to the next point, make sure that you can take things in stride, going back to doing a few small tasks then rewarding yourself.

Usually, taking time away from the wedding, in general, will help give you a better sense of direction and a clearer understanding of what you need to tackle coming up next.

Here’s a great example.

Work on booking the venue which may take upwards of a few weeks with visiting several of them, meeting with the owners, going over contracts, asking questions, and figuring out of its right for you.

Once completed, take a week off, maybe go to that fancy restaurant or hit that local winery/brewery or live show that you had an interest in.

Once that week is finished start working on the next couple of tasks such as the catering company and wedding photographer, then repeat the process again.

Our point is that if you try to press through the entire planning process at once, it will drive you crazy, it will make you upset and it will simply frustrate you too.

Communication is one of the Best Methods

One of the biggest hurdles that couples have is being able to communicate effectively to vendors and those around them.

This is because most people getting married have never been through the wedding process before and it can a learning curve for them.

Since most try and do it on their own, it’s a lot harder on them.

The more you can learn beforehand and the more you can communicate, the better you’ll be at not having stress, and what little that comes up will be like walking over a speedbump.

Make sure that you communicate to all your vendors about what’s going to happen at the wedding, before the wedding ceremony, and the reception.

As a vendor, I’ve found the more you communicate to us, the more we know and the easier things are overall.

I can usually tell which couples did a good job at this just by seeing what they provide for me like the wedding timeline of the day, communicating with the DJ at the reception, and planner if they happen to have one.

Help is much Closer than You Think

Chances are if you’re stuck, you can always fall back on asking one of the vendors that you’ve booked for advice or help.

They may be able to help or at least point you in the right direction and that could save a lot of time and stress.

What Wedding Industry experts have to say about battling wedding stress?

We asked several wedding vendors and some brides what they had to say about dealing with stress before and during the wedding day.

This is what some of them had to say.

Here are some thoughts from someone with over 15 year’s experience in multiple areas of the industry and thousands of weddings... First and foremost, don’t put so much pressure on yourself from the get go. Understand, things don’t have to go perfectly for it to culminate in the best day of your life.

As an example, it could rain and you can’t control that. So, focus on what you can control and have a suitable backup plan for areas you could foresee going wrong.

Secondly, surround yourself with the best and most experience vendors you can, including a planner/coordinator! (Good ones are worth their weight in gold!)

You’re going to spend a lot of time with these people so make sure they’re people you want to spend a lot of time with! Let their experience help guide you in getting exactly what you’ve dreamt your day would be like.

The best ones will take care of many of the “hiccups” should they pop so that you won’t even know about them. Trust in and empower your team.

Let them take as much of the stress from you as possible. Lastly, give yourself plenty of time to discover what you’re looking for, to form your vendor team, and nail down details with them.

The last few months shouldn’t be stressful if you’re doing it right. -Bryan Taylor Kalos Lighting

My best advice. The best way to deal with stress is to hire Professionals who know how a Wedding works.
Don’t be afraid to spend the extra money on key decisions. There is a big difference between a $400 DJ compared to a $1500 DJ
I tell all of my clients that I will be the most stress free vendor they will work with. I may be a DJ but we do so much more then that.
If your vendor isn’t willing to go the extra mile, you got to ask yourself. Are they the right fit? -Colby Brown Endless Drams Entertainment

Write down your plans with a budget and stick to YOUR plans.
If and rather when, others begin to impose their beliefs, priorities, and opinions just be polite and proceed with your plans.

The more detailed you are ahead of time, the easier it is to recognize what you want immediately.
Always remember a wedding is one event in a marriage which last a lifetime.

Plan the marriage and the wedding will be a piece of cake! -LendingBliss Green

June 6th 2020 Bride.

We had a 16 month engagement, to save money, and to have plenty of time to get things done, without stress.
9 days to go!

I'm in full on stress mode haha. My advice, is to embrace the planning process, and go with the flow.

As a first time Bride, at 53, I had no idea that actual wedding stress would be compounded by COVID-19.

Everything has been up in the air, but all seems to be working out and coming together. As a floral designer, I'm doing my own flowers, still have a lot of tasks to complete, but I'm thrilled to be bringing my wedding vision to life.

We set a budget early on, as we are paying for everything. Budget and communication about expectations were key with us.

With the closing of gyms and tanning salons, I won't be as tanned and toned as I hoped, but I'm loved, and that's all that matters. - Anna Cerise Reinhardt

Don’t over-plan!

Some of the weddings where things go wrong most often are the ones where clients micromanage instead of allowing their very experienced vendor team to work their magic.

Some of the most relaxed and happiest clients are the ones who give their vision one time and then trust the vendors to pull it off. Speaking from a live musician perspective, brides hire us and tell us their favorite songs and their vision for the day.

It allows us to bring our full creativity when brides say - “here’s what I like - but you put your spin on it and make it all flow.”

Don’t try to do everything yourself. That’s a recipe for stress every time. - April Dean McConnell Dean’s Duets

I think it’s best to create a list of to do’s and breaking it down by months can help a bunch. I created an Ultimate Planning Checklist for my couples to use.

Also talking with family and having them help with task can also relieve stress. Taking breaks from planning periodically can help. - Vivid Memories by Gwen

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