If you are a couple going through the process of changing the wedding due to restrictions from COVID-19, chances are that you going to have some tough decisions ahead, mostly, the shorting of the guest list.

But how can you uninvite people once they’ve given you an RSVP to the wedding day?

Well, today, Carole and I are going to help answer that for you and give you some sound advice on what to tell those that you need to uninvite because of coronavirus.

Before you Shorten the List, Offer a Live Stream

Before you sit down and start chopping those on the guest list you’ll want to offer an alternative plan to those you are going to cut and the best method is via live streaming the wedding ceremony.

Being able to provide an alternate way to show your ceremony is going to be very important during the pandemic and we highly suggest that you speak with your wedding videographer about a dedicated live-stream camera just for the ceremony.

Although it’s not going to replace being there in person, it will allow your guests to still be able to see the ceremony live and even watch it later should they not be able to watch during the time of the ceremony.

It also provides a peace offering to those you’re going to cut on the list and it allows them to still be apart of your very special day.

Many wedding videographers (some photographer’s) have this as an option or in our case, just have it included in the package during these trying times.

How Best to Shorten the Guest list

For the same of things, we recommend that you cut out the list to just family if possible, immediate family. That’s going to include parents, siblings and their spouses, close uncles and aunt’s too.

This is going to be the BEST method of adjusting the wedding day plans and having both sides treated equally.

When you shorten the list, you still have the hard part of telling people not to come. However, during these trying times most people are going to understand, especially if you have an alterative for them to still celebrate the day.

You’ll want to keep things short and simple and send them cards in the mail with a small note about how saddened you are because of the circumstances.

A couple examples of letting them know about your decision are as follows:

Dear [Name],

Due to the current climate and for everyone’s safety, we have a change of plans for our wedding. We will be limiting our guest list to an intimate number. Please accept our apologies for not having you with us on the wedding day. We have worked out a live stream of the ceremony so you can still be apart of our very special day and that link is going to be [URL]

Kind regards, 

Another example that you can use is this:

Dear [Name],

Due to the circumstances out of our control, we have a change of plans for our wedding. For everyone’s personal safety, we will be limiting our guest list to an intimate number. Please accept our apologies for not having you attend in the flesh. However, [Spouse name] and I would love you to attend virtually and have more details about this on our wedding website, [URL].

Looking forward to celebrating with you! 

Kind regards, 

When Should we Send out the Uninvites?

A good rule of thumb is to send them out as fast as possible, especially for those coming from a far distance to travel.

You’ll want guests to be able to get refunds on hotels, car rentals and air travel and notify them quickly.

As most couples will make cards, another more viable route is to email everyone instead. Some couples are doing both, that according to a recent survey that we conducted on Facebook.

We asked 261 couples how they sent out the rescheduled wedding or uninvites and 71% did both an email and a card, while 9% did only email and 20% did card only.

Are Guests Going to be Upset?

While most people are going to understand, if you have friends or family that are into drama, you may have a few that will complain and insist on coming.

If that happens, you need to stand your ground and tell them otherwise. While this rarely happens, it sometimes does.

By treating everyone the same except immediately family, you’ve made a even playing field for the guest list and no one has been treated any differently, let them know that.

What if we are Just Postponing the Wedding?

If you guys decide to kick the can down the road, you’ll still want to everyone know, however, it’s also a good time to rethink any guests.

You have a couple of choices in the matter.

1. You could still have a ceremony, get married and just have immediate family, skip a reception.

   • Many couples will do this option, especially those looking to wed because of a number of reasons, religious and fiscal are two common reasons.

2. You could have the wedding with just family, then have the reception later with your guests.

   • Similar to the first option, you get the best of both worlds. While you’ll get married with a ‘minimony”, you’ll still have the reception later with everyone that you invited.

     • Also, a minimony is just that, a short ceremony with less than 10 people total.

3. You could do both with less people, just the family.

   • A popular option with COVID-19 weddings, people will have both but with the legal limit on the number of guests at the wedding. You’ll also want to have plenty of hand sanitizers, provide face masks and mark out anything at the ceremony like spacing out the chairs, table at the reception and the like too.

4. You could cancel everything and elope.

   • Most couples are not going to do this, however those that are, have had to change their wedding plans more than once. Believe it or not, since early Spring of 2020, that’s had to happen a few times, we’ve had two clients do just that. Most however, are going to pick one of the other options.

Any Benefits to Making the Wedding Guest List Short?

Yes, a couple in fact.

First, a smaller wedding means much less costs for you and your soon-to-be. While some vendors will charge the same amount no matter how large or small, you’ll find comfort in saving money with the catering and baker. Less people means less food, booze and cake.

That’s the most expensive part of your wedding, the guests and their needs. So, a smaller wedding will save you money in that department.

Second, is the florist. Again, you’ll have much less people, which means much less cost with flowers, centerpiece arrangements and perhaps a smaller bouquet.